Ikea

    There's something about an Ikea catalogue that makes me want to throw thousands of dollars away on a tiny Swedish apartment, toboggan hats, massive amounts of Gevalia, and very cool bicycles.

    The Ikea book is the girl version of Popular Mechanics. Whereas most men really get excited about articles like "How to Fix those Pesky Wobbly Chairs" and pondering such thought provoking scenarios such as " What if a Cruise Ship Wrecked in Alaska?", most of us girls are truly inspired by home organization remedies. There's something very stimulating about seeing a 3,000 square foot home squashed into exactly 750 feet of cool, refreshing, Swedish undertones all for the low,low price of $129.00.

    It's environmentally friendly,too!

    So we lure you utterly capable men to the Swedish Wal-Mart, sticky-noted catalogue in our grubby little hands, with the promise of inexpensive, yet authentic! meatballs and razor sharp cooking knives.Did we mention that woks are also on sale for $6.99? We know how You love to secretly pretend to be the Iron Chef. We somewhat regretfully gloss over the it's going to take your entire weekend "some assembly required" part. You get suspicious when you see that both of our painstakingly selected floor to ceiling bookshelves and two matching couches all come in extremely flat boxes. We appeal to your masculine nature (the part of you that refuses to ask for directions) and assure you that this is not a Big Deal. You endure this ritual once a year or so, even after you discover our treachery regarding that pesky assembly business.

    We keep this yearly Ikea indulgence close to our hearts because You don't do the whole flowers for the Anniversary thing. Watching Your forearm flex as you wrestle with the Ikea Assembly Project is terribly romantic,too. We have thankfully moved past the relationship phase where anything that requires two people putting something together makes them want to kill each other. Most of the time, anyway. Drywall is still on our Never Attempt Again if we want to stay together list,though. I think it's good that we have a list and know our limits, even if it means that our basement will never be finished.

    Really, it's okay.

    Our local Ikea is over two hours away. Thank goodness, because if it were any closer, our entire home would be filled with shiny, metallic magnetic strips and those cute little containers. Knives, spices, and those unruly paperclips would never be an organizational issue again. We could have bookshelves anywhere! On the ceiling,even. I'm absolutely positive I could make our saltbox colonial go from this:

(no, that's not my house but it's close)..to this swanky, upscale Swedish home in no time!

    I know I'm idealizing the Swedish Experience. I can't even ski. I don't like cold weather and am planning a move to California before I die on this gray frozen tundra that is usually an Ohio spring,fall, winter. I have no resemblance to the beautiful Swedish women who inhabit that territory but I clearly have that Elin Nordegren  reaction to cheating. Sadly, a penchant for golf club weaponry and shiny bicycles are not enough to warrant a move to Sweden.

   They say that imitation in the best form of flattery. If I can't have Sweden, I'd best keep up with my Ikea habit.